The last few weeks had been a rollercoaster of emotions I was barelyprepared to process now, let alone in those moments then. My mindfluctuated so har... every day between loving my new clothes and wanting tokeep going and accept my feminized persona and be Lily with Erin all thetime, and hating what I had become, wanting it only to be over andregretting that I ever had to be chosen in the first place. I loved mynew clothes and I loved Erin, but I was ashamed to love them like I didand I was. I left him there and returned home but over the next several weeks I grew increasingly uncomfortable, threatened, not knowing where he was. The four of us had traveled to this spot that overlooked the valley where we could see fifty miles west, across the valley, and easily that much north and south. During this time we had seen no sign of him. It was our last night watching and we had come up empty again. I was packing up our equipment, preparing to leave, when Pam said, "Would it look. More

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