"As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"...he Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely. It had been rising steadily over the past two days. Jody sighed. She didn't like worrying her, but there was no way she could go with them on the trip to her brothers, and there was also no way she was going to stop her mother from holding her first grandchild. Even so, it had taken some pretty fancy talking to convince both her parents that she'd be OK for a week on her own. "As long as you're sure," Mother hovered at the door."I'm sure. You'd better scoot off, or it'll be dark. I'm fine.. More

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