" Did you have sex with both of them?" No." Shirley looked at my face, trying to see if I was telling her the truth. To me, this seemed like a bizarre...conversation to be having with a girl I just met. A girl I was having my first conversation with. I wondered where Denise got all her information from. I was taking the position that by sex, Shirley meant actual sex, not cunnilingus. I'd never had sex with Emily, not by that definition of sex. I didn't feel like I was lying, just not volunteering. I never imagined it would be like that. No wonder you’re upset.’ ‘It’s not so much upset as confused. I was taken and enjoyed in ways I’d always dreamt of, ways I’d prayed for a man to possess me. Yet it wasn’t what I’d imagined. It was fine when I fantasised it, but as reality it was odious, although I still wanted it. Perhaps because I felt powerless to stop it – I had no choice but to submit. I’m no longer sure of what I want. . . . and now my mind tells me I should be satiated with sex,. More

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