I wasn't happy with it. I decided to submit it to a jury of my peers, in the best forum for improvement in the alt.sex.stories community: The Fish Tan.... I think that was a very good decision. No story which entered the tank failed to be improved, and following The Fish Tank, whether it was my story or another author's has helped all of my writing. These amazing people helped:Uther Pendragon, Katie McN, cmsix, John,Alexis Siefert, Desdmona, Tesseract, and DennyWhat follows is the post-immersion. .and there, at the top of a nearby hill, stood an old church, a simplemission from the Spanish era, framed against this incredible displaydisguised as the night sky. That thunderclap brought me to my knees andI distinctly recall that for the first time I felt mortal fear. Youstood directly across the gravesite from me, the same gravesite fromwhich I had just liberated the skull. The dirt at our feet was freshlyturned and had that sweet earthy smell. It was the first time Iremember seeing you. More

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