I would wake up in the night and punch the floor in anguish, homoerotic fear and shame... I killed him a thousand times over in my mind.... His form e...tinguished by the hood of my car raging into him outside of his jock club, the mma fighting club where I'd first gotten homoerotic thoughts about him. I held it back and back and back... until one day, I thrust my index finger into my rectum and imagined myself dominated by all those who had flaunted their large male members. Even then, though,. Too old to go trick-or-treating, but young enough to wish I could. Anyway, I was bored and just hanging around the house watching my family handing out candy to the kids that came by.We lived in Northern California and the weather at that time of year offered up crisp clear evenings with just a hint of a chill in the air. I still remember the moon was intensely bright that night and everything felt so alive and mysterious.After hanging around for as long as I could stand it I grabbed a jacket. More

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