I just..don’t know what to say. When he’s out of view, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. The last thing I want to do is distance ...yself from him. He’s still my friend...I think. But I’m not an idiot. Well, I have been lately, but I know it would be stupid not to take a step back right now. He has shit to work out, and so do I. Which reminds me of Eugene and I find my phone. I talk to Eugene and apologize for my behavior last night, not that he’d complain, and he doesn't. Quite. I couldn’t concentrate on the drawings. I watched the beautiful blond Italian boy move around the pool. He seemed to be purposely doing a sensuous, slow dance for me to watch. My hand went below the waistband of the swimming trunks I was wearing and my mind went to dreams of “what if.” Federico had been flirting with me for days and I’d been resisting. I’d been there before; I didn’t want to fall into that again. I’d have to go back to the States where it was out of the question and could only. More

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