“We won’t tell her.”“OK.”Whenever we do it.”“What?”“Oh, Dad. Now we’ve opened the floodgates, let’s ride the tide.”He went to...object. I placed a finger against his lips.“You know we will, Dad. And I want that big fucker inside me giving me a bloody good shagging.”“How many, Con?”“As many as we can and as often as we can.”“No, I mean how many have you had?”“None!” I said. “Yours will be the first.”“Really?”I nodded and, as we cleaned the sofa, I added “The rest have been various vegetables. “Welcome to my humble abode Mum. “What do you think?” “Oh my goodness! It’s absolutely amazing. The view is incredible, and up here it’s so quiet.” “Bit different if we sit on the balcony, but it’s totally private. Dump your stuff through there Mum – bathroom’s here. It’s all yours for the weekend as I’ve got en suite. Sorry I haven’t given it up for you, but you’ve got the better view. Now! What can I get you? Pot of tea or a glass of wine?” “Let’s have a pot of tea and get the pizzas. More

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