”A rattling panel fan in the kitchen window pushed around a lot of warm, soupy air. The room smelled of cigarette smoke, cooking oil, and a faint un...ertone of bananas rotting somewhere. I stood there uneasily, hands jammed in the pockets of my painter’s pants—one of which held the rubbers I bought last week—my heart beating fast, while Eleanor Kaminski dumped a scoop of powder into a tall glass, added tap water, and stirred it all up into a murky, swirling brown. She went to the freezer and. Looking down his nose came natural, I'd say. It seemed he didn't even see me at all. I tried to catch his gaze during our meeting. But he never even looked my way.The next meeting was hardly different. Funny thing was, the more he ignored me, the more I wanted him. I was like a ditzy teenager. After the first disaster I had decided to dress up. A lot more leg, a bit more tit. And shiny lipstick. But in the end I had to believe he was gay, if only to protect my self esteem.As the meeting petered. More

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