This time it worked. Just worked.When we ended it, she sat her flute down and jumped on me, smothering me with kisses, giggling. "You're everything, S...oney. Everything! Gosh, I love you!" I love you too, Johanna. I get this for playing without mistakes?"Giggle and a headshake."That's what I call incentive."I didn't want to take her home this night.We ate dinner together, she spent evenings with me studying, and yes, we got more music in and more kissing and I got more time in the shower. Three weeks ago I ended a two-year relationship with the man I knew was going father my children. We were going to have a Brainiac Adonis just like him and an angel hearted beauty just like me. But I ruined it with my sexual lockdown. He has been ready for the next step but I knew I couldn’t do it before marriage and maintain the control I so desperately need. Eventually he secretly decided to move forward without notifying me. I didn’t find out in a dramatic fashion like walking in on him. More

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