Still no bolt of lightning. It was Tuesday afternoon, when I was ‘scheduled’ to stop by and fuck Mrs. Baker again. I stepped off the school bus to...walk the five blocks home. After walking one block, I came to Mrs. Baker’s house. I stopped and stared at her front door. I dreaded this moment. It had taken me two days of tears and prayers, but I had decided to tell Mrs. Baker our deal was off. I wasn’t going to have sex with her any more. I marched up to the door and knocked. My hope that she was. I was embarrassed by his attention andblushed and looked downward. I was used to men looking at me but not withthe sort of intense scrutiny of Derek. I felt I was being assessed as tomy value in a clinical way, not so much as a sex object, but as apossession that could be owned and traded.The waiter served Helen and I our poached eggs on toast but the lastthing I wanted to do was pick up a fork and eat. The two of them seemedto whisper together but I couldn't hear what they were saying as the. More

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